I am a Sephardic Jew whom was raised Catholic. Like you I felt this way for a very long time, Tamara. My father is a Plasma Physicist and we speak of this subject often, and the truth is, the more we study the world 🌎 the more it becomes clear that all of what you see around you is anything but random. A central sense of order exists regardless of their being a human mind to experience it.
As Carl Sagan once said, “The mind is limited, thus our model of the world around us is only as good as the brain that assembles it.”
So I urge you to look deep inside and ask yourself, do you know where all of what exists comes from? Are we to assume that no spiritual experience that has ever existed is simply not real since it is difficult if not impossible to repeat within the walls of a lab? Just food for thought.
Be safe out there.